Rats.

I can't be (surely) the only person who anthropomorphizes the natural world when at their allotment. I hoed up a sleeping slow worm this week and I actually found myself apologising out loud as I patted the warm soil back around it, genuinely sorry to disturb its sleep. I spotted a spider with what looked like a white sack of eggs on her back (a wolf spider? I'm not going to post a pic. I understand not everyone is as happy with spiders as I am) whilst forking over the bed I am using for runner beans and I stamped about for a bit to show her I meant business as she hung around, not looking overjoyed to be shaken from her bed, before I returned to fork the soil again (more carefully). I look upon worms, ladybirds -  all birds (even the ones I think will eat my peas) as allotment friends, animals with good intent. The robin that hangs around expectantly since I dug up my compost bins is my new best friend. The invisible mammals that leave paw marks in my raised beds overnight sometimes; fellow travellers. And yet, some things, posing potentially less harm than the site badgers or wood pigeons are definite enemies. Couch grass, bindweed and brambles have no consciousness, less than even than worms, seem to appear to spite me in the places they grow, and regrow and regrow. Slugs, snails, can hardly be described as malicious but I would have no hesitation in mashing one immediately against the back of my spade or fork, eyes narrowing and nostrils flaring as I dispose of it. I know, I don't expect anyone to share my madness. It just is what it is.
But rats, probably no stranger to any allotment, everyone hates don't they? 'Have you seen any rats?' my field rep asked me casually the other day, 'there's a problem, apparently,'
Had I seen any rats? If I'd seen a rat on my plot you'd have heard me scream across the valley. I'd be walking around with a gun. Or maybe not a gun, but my dog at any rate. I do not want to see a rat, I am not scared of them exactly, but despite their blameless life of doing no more or less what rats do, I do not want to see one. They make me feel sick.And I imagine they'd try and kill my dog (again, I don't expect this feeling to be shared).
So today, while I babysit my poorly dog, the council ratmen are at the allotment. I have many things I should be doing down there today, but I am not sorry I am at home. I may be behind with getting my spuds in, and the runner bean and spinach seedlings will not dig themselves in. But there seems less risk of running into a rat here, and I am happy enough about that.