Allotment Fire: second attempt. Progress.

I'm a firestarter..smoky firestarter...

Well, wouldn't you know it, I made a fire, all by my little self. It worked well and didn't take too long. And all of this without the help of a man. To be honest, it was far more smoky that I hoped, despite trying to build a big dry fire and adding the brambles little by little - there's a little sign by the water tap that says 'No smoky fires please,' so it must be an issue on our allotments. Sorry, I tried my absolute best. But I have to let you know that if it's any consolation, allotment committee, most of the smoke seemed to blow directly in my face, no matter where I went on the plot. But, since there are no more fires of any smoke level until the winter, hopefully all will be forgiven.
In other news, I stripped the black plastic from the raised beds area. The soil seemed to improve the higher up the slope, which I suppose makes sense. There were quite a lot slow worms, which were momentarily exciting because I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid (and then just became me feeling guilty as I'd removed their duvet) and some weeds. More of the joyous couch grass, obviously, more bramble roots and some long white slithery roots. I have no idea what they are - they're like tagliatelle. I try and pull them out in one piece, which  is an effort that enjoys about a 40% success rate, but they don't look like they'd be a big deal to keep pulling. Also, there are some tiny buds, for a plant I can't identify - probably weeds, but I'd never seen this type before. Look more like lettuce to me (Nothing, but nothing makes me feel more like a beginner than sitting there, brow furrowed, trying to work out what the stuff I'm pulling out of the ground could be)? Anyway, regardless of exotic or boring plant life, I've stuck in some poles and planks and now I have an idea of what I'm doing in terms of planning space. I'll probably get five beds out of the raised area, added to the little one I have already. It's going to take time, I know, but I'm feeling more optimistic about timescales now. I hope to have them all dug over and filled in within another 14 days. Which, depending on how I feed the soil, could potentially mean a reasonable growing season and at least six separate types of crop over the year if all goes to plan. Fingers crossed.

Weed suppressed strip, Happy to forget this.

On the other side of the plot, I laid down some cardboard and weed suppressant fabric in order to prepare a long bed which I'll probably try and dig over and manure in October. I have to confess that the parlous state of the soil under the black plastic I pulled off hasn't filled me with a great deal of confidence about this technique on the clay soil but I have to give it a shot. If it's just a little easier to dig over, I won't have lost anything - I wouldn't have done anything with that area this summer, anyway.

So, I'm waiting in order to see if I can get some manure this weekend. There's apparently a site shop that sells well rotted manure amongst other stuff, but I don't know how up to date their info is. In the meantime, more weeding and sorting my planks to build the beds. Not much more I can do outdoors for now. Fingers crossed for dry weather. Dry that bastard clay out.

Thank goddesses for 31 days in March. Allotment Fires and raised beds.

Intended for illustration purposes only(!) Sketching out the first raised bed.

I remember feeling a bit downbeat the last time I left the allotment. My spade and fork weren't making any impression in the mud, the whole place looked an utter mess and brambles threatened to take over my world. Now, the mud is still baked in, and is collecting puddles where I mistakenly attempted to dig before the rain came in, the place is still honestly, a total mess.
But now it's a total mess with some poles stuck in the ground, most of the brambles in a pile and a plan for some raised beds. The sun was out this afternoon, always helps, and I started to see how things could possibly look after some more work. My little cleared bed still looks fine and I'm ready to decide what I'm going to put into it. I feel better.

Our first slow worm.

On the downside, my little one's dad offered to come and help me build a fire to get rid of some of the brambles (have about three bin bags to go) and I accepted, and it didn't work out.
I want to do this allotment by myself (for many reasons) as much as I can. I have something to prove to myself, having come from a relationship where I am treated like I can't do anything for myself and any suggestion, almost any idea I had was met by an arched eyebrow and a mocking tone.To allow people onto my site when they take that attitude towards me is a risk to my mental health. The fact is, the fire did not work out despite my many hints that this fire would not work out because there wasn't enough dry material to sustain a fire versus the damp allotment cuttings. Instead of the fire starting small with kindling and dry matter and slowly increasing the amount of brambles as the fire got stronger was ignored. The fire ignited, heaps of brambles were piled on, it smoked. The fire went out. And I'm supposed to feel gratitude for this - despite running fast out of time to burn these sodding things. I know he meant well, and I know I'm complaining at offers for help, But Christ, much like BBQ season - sometimes men don't want to do the grunt work, they just want to turn up and light the fires. I'd prefer the digging help, you know.

So back again tomorrow. I need to make my planks at least double the thickness before I try to use them to frame my raised beds. Going to have to go to hardware store (mo money) and get some nails.Will plant the remainder of my stakes and start measuring and cutting the wood to fit. Also looking forward to putting cardboard, soil and weed suppressant membrane down in the area I glyphosated the brambles on today (Yes, I know. I have sinned. Hopefully the last time).

Money burns like dried grass

I know that allotments are supposed to be a cost efficient means of putting food on the table but, setting up an allotment, well... My costs have not been great, exactly, but when you have no money like me, things add up.
There's this theory of course, that a lot of stuff that you can use on the allotment can be begged or borrowed. I read some guy's allotment plot where he said you need £500 to set up an allotment properly. God. I wouldn't be able to do that, would most people? I was lucky that the previous tenant left a lot of stuff when they went (I think I even found a hosepipe yesterday underneath some couchgrass covered hessian. Of course, to check, I will have to lift the couchgrass. which is not something I was going to do after the bramble pulling afternoon of hell), but I simply do not have access to a gardening, outdoor loving community with stuff to give away. And I'm too shy to approach anyone on the site, yet. There's skips, of course, and stuff people leave on the street. But I never yet found a wheelbarrow, or fence posts, or compost or a second hand shed so far.
So, what have I spent money on?

• The cheapest storage box I could find (so terribly manufactured is this box, I have to use rocks to keep the lid on, but other than that, its surprisingly fine. Took me all of 5 minutes to put it together by myself, survived Storm Katie and has kept everything dry - so far. Can't see it keeping thieves out, but I don't feel security is currently that big an issue. Ugly as sin. £25.
• Secateurs £11. Not an expensive pair, but not a £4 at Asda pair either. I couldn't not. The brambles, they had to go.
• Wooden stakes for building raised beds. £22. for 20 from ebay. I feel crappy about that, but I feel even more crappy about the idea of building beds without them
• The cheapest wheelbarrow. £25.
• Spade and fork 
• Hand cultivator £4
• Plant tags (no, could use cut up margarine tub for free)
• Anti-weed membrane
• Indoor propagator and seed thingies. (No. Last time I will buy them - keep seeing plastic packaging from my groceries that will do just as well)
• Compost. Probably necessary. I read in a smug book that you should only use your own compost. But where does compost start before you start composting? 
• Some seeds, but got many, many packets free from a gift sub to a gardening magazine a friend bought me as a present
• Seed Maincrop potatoes
• A bucket £1

That's not terrible, of course. When I think of what I've spent in the past in garden centres, it's not a big deal, really. But I also need a waterbutt of some description. I'd love a shed.
Even looking at that incomplete price list my heart sinks a bit. I'd sort of been in denial about this. Basically, I might buy some manure but that has to be that,  Good job having an allotment has more benefit than cheap herbs and veg, or I'd be sending it all back.
Down to the allotment tomorrow. More sawing, weed killing and a nice cathartic fire. I hope that hosepipe pans out.

Crap. I don't know what I'm doing

So today, I thought I would try and cut some planks to dig into the clay to make a makeshift retaining wall for the terraced beds. I cut them all right; the planks are thin and skinny so each took a few minutes, but when I tried to get them into the hard clay, they wouldn't go in more than a couple of inches. I tried sawing a point into the bottom, but that didn't work. In the end, I managed to make a thin line with the spade, but I'm just not strong enough. I need to get some proper garden stakes, those things with the pointed bottoms, and attach the planks to them. But fence posts, or any post, are far more expensive than the free wood I have lying around and there's still a part of me that worries I still won't get them into the ground. Difficult to believe this is ground that has been covered over all this time. So much for the no dig method. What I'm going to do with the rest of it is quite beyond me at the moment. Ho hum.

Also, I cut about 90% of the brambles on the plot down with secateurs today, when I know I'm still going to have to get rid of the roots somehow. I just got sick of tripping over them and walking into them and getting scratches all the damned time. But I know I haven't dealt with the problem, I've just delayed it. Brambles love being pruned back, after all. I confess that I did buy some glyphosate weedkiller today, very reluctantly, on the advice of this blog and some of the other stuff I read on the internet (hah, I read it on the interwebs, it must be true!). There are pros and cons to glyphosate, I know, And this has made me feel sad - I didn't ever say to myself that I would have a completely organic plot - and I may not use it. But I feel like some of the problems are insurmountable today. And my back aches. And my ass and legs ache.

So, I feel a bit despondent. I'm going to have the day off tomorrow - it's going to rain anyway,and I fancy doing some exercise that doesn't involve struggling with mud or roots. Then I'm going to have a fire.Sometimes you just need a bit of distance from the problem to understand the answer. I hope so. Or it's napalm.

The Best Fried Chicken Recipe in the World Ever

It's just fried chicken right? You've been to KFC (maybe) and fried chicken is, well, it's alright. It's not dinner at Heston Blumenthal's. You get it when you're drunk. It's not a special thing... No. Great fried chicken, as long as you are not a vegetarian (I concede this point, at least) has the potential to be the best of dinners. I tried many fried chicken recipes in my journey to find the best fried chicken dinner - more than Felicity Cloake, that's for sure. The closest I have come yet is a recipe for Korean Fried Chicken Wings, which was awesome, but this is a whole different level of holy. I mean it.
There is a price to pay of course, aside from the calories, and that is you will need to start with this the night before you plan to eat. And there are many processes. You will be busy with your chicken, and then you will eat it so fast you won't even know what happened. It is worth it. So my version, is based on Thomas Keller's recipe for the most part, except, and here is where we (and Felicity) part company, I steam my chicken. Felicity thinks steaming is 'cheating' for some reason, and it is tempting to think you can have the best chicken fried from raw, but David Chang of Momofuku steams his chicken. And I trust and love him, And the pre-steamed chicken gave me the most silky, soft and tender chicken that I've ever eaten ever. The best things about pre-steaming though, is that you know it will be cooked (no prodding into the fried chicken to find oneself faced with a bloody, undercooked centre)  and you don't have to keep it in the oil too long, meaning the crisp, light batter stays crisp and light and never gets dark and the doesn't skin gets tough. It's work, but it's easy work.

Step 1.
The night before, make a chicken brine. If you follow the links above, the brine by either Thomas Keller or David Chang will be fine. I use Thomas Keller's, but I will say that with this brine you must be careful about the salt (and some people say the Keller brine is too flavourful and detracts from the simplicity of fried chicken - I disagree. But it does use quite a lot of ingredients compared to the Momofuku brine). I use the specific brand of kosher salt Keller mentions in the original cookbook recipe (diamond crystal). Imported from the states via Amazon, irritatingly. There are alternatives, but make sure you measure it out right or your chicken will end up too salty. Ain't nobody got time for that. I use my pressure cooker (biggest pan) to soak my chicken pieces in the brine for about seven hours. I use around 1.2 kg of thighs and drumsticks, which is enough for 5 or 6. This fried chicken is great for leftovers though, and travels extremely well. So don't fret if you have leftovers for your packed lunch. In fact, give me a ring and I will come and polish it off for you.

Step 2.
After brining the chicken, rinse the pieces off well under a running tap and then steam them over a medium heat for 40 minutes. I use a plate in my largest bamboo steamer, but I do have to do it in three batches. I suppose you could gently poach it in buttermilk for the same effect. Anyway, leave the steamed chicken to cool and dry out for at least two hours (not in the fridge, unless it's a warm day. If storing in the fridge, take it out and bring to room temp before frying). Phew, almost there.

Step 3.
You'll need enough room for a conveyor belt style dip and dunk station and you'll need deep fryng vessels. You can use your deep fat fryer, or, as I did, use two large frying pans. I would recommend at least two just because you're going to have to fry lots of chicken pieces and if you crowd the pans it won't fry properly (the oil will cool down and will be absorbed by the batter, and the moisture will steam it. This is a bad combination and will make you feel like you've bought it from somewhere unsavoury at 3am.) but if you do it in just one pan, by the time you get down to your final pieces, you'll have had to put your first pieces in an oven to keep warm, Not terrible, but quite irritating. You'll want the chicken to rest for ten minutes (more on that coming) but if it looks like any more, stick it a low oven on a rack.
So, you have seasoned flour, and you have about a pint of buttermilk. If you, I promise, use a bit of paprika and some salt and pepper as per Felicity Cloake, you'll have fine chicken. Fine. But since you're going to all this trouble anyway, do better.  This mixture will make enough for one batch of chicken, worth making double. Mix with 3 cups (360g) of plain flour

• 10g paprika
• 15g garlic powder
• 15g onion powder
• 10g salt
• 10g cayenne pepper
• 5g ground black pepper
• 5g herbes de provence ('mixed herbs' is fine tho')
• 5g celery salt
  
  On your conveyor belt, put your seasoned flour into a large, deep bowl and your buttermilk in similar. I have a wide, shallow jug that I like for this. On the other side of this, have a rack that you've covered in greaseproof paper. On the other side of the stove, have another rack covered with greaseproof. Start heating the oil. You need to get to 160 degrees. Best use a thermometer.  Get your chicken, coat in flour, dip in buttermilk, shake, dip in flour again and put on the rack. Your life will be immeasurably easier if you only use one hand for this process. When you've got four pieces, or six if using two pans, put the pieces of  chicken into the hot oil and leave it alone for four minutes, Make sure the oil returns to temperature. You can begin to turn the chicken pieces to cook and brown all over then. As the chicken is cooked already, this is about eight minutes. Meanwhile, dip and dunk the next few pieces. Remove from the oil and place on the rack. Put the thighs the right way up, that is, the skin is on the top and any excess oil will drain off. Prop the drumsticks up on the thighs. Do the rest of the pieces. Serve, with salad and/or sweetcorn and/or coleslaw.

Where do you even start, anyway?

So my first working trip to the allotment today. I didn't do too much, honestly, I needed a spade and I hadn't brought it along, and frankly, I didn't want to dig enough to walk the ten minutes home to fetch it. In all fairness, I was expecting to dig the little patch that I had nominated as my first job with a fork because I assumed the soil might be bad and sticky. I was surprised the soil was nice and crumbly. There's a bit of me that thinks that I don't have to dig it over or do very much at all, just add some soil and some fertiliser and dig it in, but I'm kidding myself, out of choice. Anyway, the sun was out and I quite enjoyed just sitting on a patch of couch grass and enjoying the fresh air.

The bed was covered in couch grass obviously, as every single uncovered inch of the plot is, and it was harder than I anticipated getting rid of it, although I suspect some of the problem was the tiny size of the bed that the last tenant had made out of tiles.It was hard, and I'm not that strong. I have a grub hoe, or azada, which I could get better at  using and then acually cut through the bloody stuff. Even when I have dug it up, I dont know what to do with the couch grass, I want to compost it but I know that I have to either drown it or compost it for a couple of years before I can use it in a normal bin or on the plot or its just going to resprout. I have at least two bins, as I've said before, so potentially I could use one for 'naughty compost' and one for the safe stuff.
Anyway, once properly cleared, dug over and fed, it will be my first growing space. I'm thinking of tomatoes or herbs. Tomatoes are risky when the summers are cold and damp (often) but I also want to grow tomatillos and I know that toms are a (fruit) veg that my family eat a lot of. I've got some maincrop spuds coming in the post soon. Maybe there isn't enough room though...
So its going to rain a lot of the next couple of weeks. I think that precludes digging (although I might be ok to clear a patch from couchgrass that I plan to cover and forget about for a year, surely?), so I think my allotment time will be mostly based around clearing the flipping brambles that try and trip me up every time I walk across the plot, and cut some planks for the beds I need to terrace. Cold, wet and sawing. Can't wait.

Where there's muck there's... muck? Welcome to your plot!

What are you talking about? This is like, the Hilton of plots...

Very few new plots are ideal, right? Weed free, well tended and tidy allotments are generally not available to people on the waiting list for an oversubscribed allotment because those plots are actually being tended by actual allotmenteers. Doing stuff to make their plots good places for growing vegetables. So, when I went for a look around, my expectations were not high. And it's true, I don't have a perfect plot by any means - no-one else wanted it but I am quite surprised honestly, because despite it's drawbacks, it is a pretty great spot and I can see a lot of potential.

The allotment site is a heavy clay, and pretty hilly (so not immediately ideal) but my plot itself is fairly gently sloping. It hasn't been cultivated in years, so, although the soil maybe not be well fertilised and dug over, it won't be tired and leached of nutrients either. It's not a big plot - but at 10x 12 metres approximately, it's more than enough for my needs. It is overgrown,covered with couchgrass and other weeds that I cant even identify, and it does have some brambles that have rooted themselves in, but it's not so bad or weedbound that you can't imagine it. And it has a big bed already cleared and waiting under black plastic already. So... that's a start.

The thing I like about it most though, is that the last person here left a load of stuff. It may not be very valuable stuff  - a pile of scrap wood and pallets, two huge bags of soil, some chopped up branches (why no shed? I cant afford a shed!), and compost bins. I can make stuff with this. Raised beds are calling, I can make some seating out of the pallets and use the soil to top up the raised beds I plan to make. Thats the plan as far as I'm concerned anyway, maybe I haven't taken something into account, or it's more complicated than it looks. That's the problem with inexperience; you dont know what you don't know.
In conclusion then. I am happy and excited. Its a shame it's going to rain all over the easter holidays, isn't it?